I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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