I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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