This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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