just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
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If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
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I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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