is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
