I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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