Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
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I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
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I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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