I should be sponsored by Trojan
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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