I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
