I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
