she was so not down for the gang bang
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
