and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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