i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
