Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
