i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
