I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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