Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
