he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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