if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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