He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
