Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
