I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
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That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize