i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
