i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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