i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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