I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
