i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
