...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
