Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
