It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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