She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
