i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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I need you to use more vowels.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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