i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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