My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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