Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
