i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
