I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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