I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
