where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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