We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
