I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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