we have pet lesbian snakes
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wish my penis had a tongue
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
