they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we're making bets on your personal life
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
