i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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