He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
