I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
