I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
