His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
