Non-Jews are for practice
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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