She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
