Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
