My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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