sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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