yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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