2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize