4 words: hood of his car
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have surprise drugs for everyone
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
