dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
