An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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