I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
