Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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