Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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