So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
