he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
