Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
