chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
