i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
