you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
