Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
