and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
