its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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