does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
