I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
