let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
