I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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