I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
