Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
