I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
