I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
