Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
