MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
