chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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