he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so let's talk penis.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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